How to Get Pregnant

With all due respect to my friend TBTAM and all her OBG colleagues, I recently offered a patient some advice that was so simple, so obvious, so logical, so down-to-earth that I'm not sure how often anyone ever actually comes out and says it.

About two months ago I saw a woman in her mid-30's who had been trying for some months to become pregnant, without success. They were doing everything "right" (no birth control; vaginal intercourse; no, he hadn't had a vasectomy, etc.) and weren't really "worried" yet. Still, I offered the following advice in the form of a family story told by my aunt, who had difficulty conceiving (well over fifty years ago; my two cousins are both closer to 60 than 50):

My aunt has this friend with a heavy Southern accent, who gave her the following advice: "Doan' moove. Doan' even covuh yuhself; let hubby pull up the blanket."

I should point out that in my family, pronouncing the words "Doan' moove" in that particular drawl never fails to provoke hilarity. As it happens, my patient had the same reaction when I said it to her. We kept on laughing as I elaborated about not getting up at all (even "just" to the bathroom) immediately after intercourse, allowing at least an hour or so for the swimmers to do their thing.

Today she came in again, laughing all over again. She'd had a positive home pregnancy test and was seven weeks along, by dates. I keep thinking "Doan' moove!" and I start laughing all over again. I even called my aunt to thank her. She was thrilled as well; once she finally stopped laughing.