Put the Beverage Down
This lady notices that her skin is sagging badly, making her look really old. So she decides it's time to go to the plastic surgeon.
The doctor comes in and listens to her tale of wrinkles and woe, examines her and says, "I have just the thing. It's a brand new operation called "The Knob." We implant the Knob under your scalp; once a year you give it a twist and it pulls everything up, tightening it beautifully. It lasts about 10 years."
"Great," she says, and has the surgery.
Sure enough, each year she twists the Knob under her scalp and all the wrinkles get pulled up; she looks great. But after about 11 years, she notices that now she's got these big bags and dark circles under her eyes. So she goes back to the plastic surgeon, who recognizes her immediately and says, "How's the Knob working for you?"
"Well," she answers, "It was great for about 10 years, but now I've got these bags and circles under my eyes."
The surgeon looks closely and says, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but those are your breasts."
"Ah," says the woman. "That explains the beard."