Musings of a Dinosaur

A Family Doctor in solo private practice; I may be going the way of the dinosaur, but I'm not dead yet.

Friday, March 28, 2008


Vaguely modeled on the ridiculous but ubiquitous 1-10 Pain Scale, I would like to introduce the Dinosaur's


Starting with the extremes:

Forgetting to bring lunch: 1 on the OopsMeter (OM)
Sending warheads instead of batteries: Burying the needle on the OopsMeter

Here are some other examples, from the medical and other worlds:

Saying "Oops" during surgery: 4 OM (h/t Dr. Sid)

Doing the wrong operation: 7 OM
On the wrong side: 8 OM
On the wrong organ: 9 OM
On the wrong patient: 10 OM

Calling your child by the wrong name: 2 OM
Calling your spouse by the wrong name: 5 OM
Calling your spouse by the wrong name during sex: 8 OM

Breaking wind:
Alone in the bathroom: 0 OM
In bed (not alone): 2 OM
During sex: 4 OM
In a crowded elevator: 6 OM
In an elevator with no one but your boss: 8 OM

Driving a 12'6" truck under a 10'8" bridge (well, trying to): 9 OM (actually happened to a certain Dinosaur who shall remain numberless)

Forgetting to put the cup in the one-cup coffee maker before turning it on: 5 OM

(To be added to; I'm too tired right now, but wanted to get this posted. Feel free to add your own in the comments.)


At Sat Mar 29, 02:03:00 AM, Blogger Dreaming again said...

True story ... I had to have knee surgery. My knee kept getting worse, so they couldn't put it off any more.
The Myasthenia Gravis wasn't cooperating, so they didn't want to use general anesthesia....they did a epidural on me. (shudder for this needle phobic patient) with a plan of giving me versaid ...however ..when I got in there ... they did the firest cut ..and I started to have trouble breathing.

So, the anesthesiologist leans over me and says "darlin' I need you wide awake so I can hear you talk to me ... no versaid"

So ... epidural only.

Doc is making jokes with me to distract me from the fact that there are rather odd noises coming from my knee and pressure on the knee.

All the sudden he says "whoops! didn't expect to find that!"

Then he leans over looks me right in the eye and says "you didn't hear that"

Turned out to be a good "whoops" my knee wasn't in as bad shape as they thought ..but it sure scared the fire out of me for a second! You should have seen the anesthesiologists face when the surgeon said "Whoops!"

He then reminded the surgeon that stress increases MG weakness and we all started laughing (which, really didn't help my breathing!)

At Sat Mar 29, 09:03:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Got one for ya. Perfect timing. :)

At Sat Mar 29, 05:10:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about going to Mother's 75th Brithday Party, to which all her friends whom you have known for decades, with the size label still stuck to the leg of your brand new pants. You know, the label that sayes 10-short, 10-short, 10-short...

At Sun Mar 30, 02:53:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, here's one that appropriately defines my...state of anguish at the moment...

Using an OTC product (Tiger Balm) for minor back pain and washing my hands afterwards. But apparently not quite thoroughly enough.

Handling my business solo...ya know...

it's an 11, on the OM scale...AND THE DAMN PAIN SCALE

No matter how much I wash it, it won't come off...aaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!

(yeah, I'm too embarassed to leave my name) please...make it stop...

At Sun Mar 30, 09:57:00 AM, Blogger Ian Furst said...

you left a couple of instances out:
saying oops during surgery while pt under local 8 OM
breaking wind during surgery 9 OM
if during bowel surgery 10 OM


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