Journal Club

An oldie but goodie from one of my favorite journals; the one, the only Journal of Irreproducible Results. From 1993, by Thomas Michel, MD, PhD:

Politically Correct Cardiology

Instead of saying a patient has Heart failure,

• Say the patient is Inotropically challenged.

Instead of saying a patient has Diastolic failure,

• Say the patient is Lusotropically challenged.

Instead of saying a patient has Sick Sinus Syndrome,

• Say the patient is Chronotropically challenged or Systolically impaired.

Instead of saying a patient has Aberrant conduction,

• Say the patient has Alternative conduction.

Instead of saying a patient has Left axis deviation,

• Say the patient is left axis-enabled.

Instead of saying a patient has an Inferior myocardial infarction,

• Say the patient has a Diaphragmatic MI.

Instead of saying a patient has a Hypercoagulable state,

• Say the patient is Rheologically impaired.

Instead of saying a patient has Aortic (mitral) incompetence or insufficiency,

• Say the patient is Aortic (mitral) retrograde flow enabled.

Instead of saying a patient has a Ventricular (atrial) septal defect,

• Say the patient is Interventricular (interatrial) flow-enabled.

Instead of saying a patient is a poor surgical candidate,

• Say the patient is Cardiac medical therapy enabled.

Instead of saying a patient has Senile aortic stenosis,

• Say the patient is Elder aortic flow impaired.

Instead of saying a patient has Multi-system organ failure,

• Say the patient is Metabolically challenged.

Instead of saying a patient is Dead,

• Say the patient is Metabolically different, or Entropically enabled.