The Story of Passover, as Told on Twitter

Saw this hilarious Twitter-style re-telling of the Odyssey here (h/t Janet Reid) which got me thinking (always dangerous) about other classic tales that could be recast in the new format. In honor of tonight's festivities, here is my version of the Passover Story, as told on Twitter:

Yo, Bro, you wrecked my fancy threads; who's this Egyptian dude?

This slavery shit really sux. Maybe I can fake out Pharaoh and get some better grub.

Anyone can read dreams. Multiples of seven, that's the trick.

It's good to be the king; or at least his right hand; same difference.

Look who's back in town!

Fruitfulness and multiplication; ah, that's the life.

Hey, who's the new guy with the Pharaoh shtick?

I need a new city; yo, circumcised guys!

I can't stand that constant wailing. Drown all the baby boys.

Yocheved, you don't really need that laundry basket.

OMG, it's the Princess!

I shall call him "Moshe."

Luke Moshe, I am your father mother.

Stop beating that slave? Who's gonna make me?

Shit; my goose is really cooked if anyone finds out about this. Where's Midian on the GPS?

That's one hell of a shrubbery. Most. Whacked. Out. BBQ of all!

Back to Egypt again? I've got a bad feeling about this.

Let your people go? NFW

Mud AND straw? You don't need no stinkin' straw.

Holy shit! When you say "or else" you really mean it; times ten!! Get outta here already.

I don't care if it hasn't risen yet; just grab it and lets boogie.

Changed my mind. After them!

Excuse me, wasn't there a sea here a moment ago?

Chariots don't float. Who knew?

Miriam and the Ladies, one night only, at The Shore.