There Might be Some Football on Tonight

Today's email from this crotchety old guy I've known for years:

I've been reliably informed that today is Superbowl Day, and CNN is trumpeting the news that nearly a billion people worldwide are expected to watch it. To your amazement and surprise, we will have the TV turned on for that event, too, so when people talk about it tomorrow, I will know what went on. After all, I love water polo -- what else would one play in a bowl? -- and will be glued to the set for every chukka. (I know there are no innings in that game.)

His ignorance of sports is exceeded only by his lack of interest in them. Still, I want to help him make sure he doesn't miss the parts everyone is really going to be talking about. Hence my response:

The real reason my friends and I will be watching is for the commercials. Of course we never turn our noses up at a chance to get together and gorge on scrumptious pot-luck food while enjoying each others' company either. Still, the rhythm of the event is very much talk-eat-talk-drink-talk-here-have-some-more while the football part is on, then "Shush everyone, here's a commercial!" -- resulting in everyone's rapt attention -- at appropriate intervals. So if you want to be in the know, all you need for the football game is the final score, but scrutinize the commercials carefully. (ie Time your bathroom breaks counterintuitively.)

That's what everyone's really going to be talking about.