FOAD #3

An erudite alternative to banging one's head on the steering wheel:

Dear Johnny Roadster,

You may recall me from our recent spat(s); I'm the gentleman who raised my voice at you ever so briefly. For that, I would like to apologize, for I hadn't yet fully come to grips with your complete incapability of remaining intact for longer than a few weeks at a time. You might additionally recall the large sums of money I paid in order to fix you for the eleventh, twelfth, and thirteenth times.

I write you now to inform you that it would be highly appreciated if, in the future, you would alert me as to your impending ineptitude more than a few seconds ahead of time. That way, I would have a more acceptable amount of time in which to prepare to spend the remainder of my savings in compensation for your ubiquitous and increasingly frequent shortcomings. If you cannot comply with my request, I'm more than happy to refer you to my associates at LT Auto Wreckers & Junkyard, Inc., who may be able to more demonstratively clarify the importance of this proposal than I am able in this medium.

Sincerely yours,