Musings of a Dinosaur

A Family Doctor in solo private practice; I may be going the way of the dinosaur, but I'm not dead yet.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Another Contest: What He Should Have Said

I'm going away for five days to chill, relax and re-charge, but just so as not to leave y'all high and dry I thought I'd share this TRUE patient story, again with enthusiastic permission from said patient. In addition, I thought it would be fun to include a contest to see who can come up with the kickass-est comeback line my patient wishes he could have thought up on the spot.

A Catholic priest goes straight from work to Kohl's to purchase some sneakers. He is dressed for work; as a Catholic priest, that is: black shirt, square of white cardboard at the collar, black pants, black shoes. He's standing in an aisle perusing shoe boxes when a woman comes up to him. Right up to him. Maybe five feet away. Directly in front of him. Face to face. While he's in full Catholic priest clothing.

And says to him:
Do you work here?
What should he have said? Let your imagination run wild and share it with us.

Contest rules:
  1. Two ways to enter: in the comments or via email (notdeaddinosaur-at-msn-dot-com)
  2. Upon my return I'll go through all half-dozen or so entries, pick my favorites and share them in another post.
  3. Readers may vote in the comments of the second post.
  4. Prize: to be determined (leaning towards "A copy of my book along with knowledge of my true identity," but will consider chocolate if the winner already knows me and/or has read my book.)

32 Comments:

At Tue Sep 18, 05:43:00 PM, Blogger Roger Pf said...

"I have been called to save souls, not fit them."

 
At Tue Sep 18, 05:50:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

For Christ sakes, what do you think?

Kay

 
At Tue Sep 18, 06:30:00 PM, Anonymous difficultpt said...

"There's a wonderful optometrist in our parish . . ."

 
At Tue Sep 18, 06:31:00 PM, Blogger Pseudo_Doctor said...

If your looking for god I might be your man

 
At Tue Sep 18, 06:43:00 PM, Blogger Midwife with a Knife said...

"Yes, I've been hired to save soles." ;)

 
At Tue Sep 18, 06:55:00 PM, Blogger rotabega said...

Of course! God's work is done everywhere. Care to step into a fitting room for confession?

 
At Tue Sep 18, 07:39:00 PM, Blogger rlbates said...

I do "soul" work,
Even here at Kol's.

 
At Tue Sep 18, 08:11:00 PM, Anonymous Terry said...

"So help me God."

 
At Tue Sep 18, 09:44:00 PM, Blogger TBTAM said...

"Sister Mary Aloysius," he glances around furtively and loudly whispers. "I though we agreed that today YOU'RE the store clerk and I'M the shoplifter! You got to wear the handcuffs the last three times and now it's my turn!"

"Now go back there behind the hosiery section and wait for me to put these sneakers under my cassock..."

 
At Tue Sep 18, 11:58:00 PM, Blogger Nancy said...

I work everywhere but since God's employees are not supposed to moonlight in retail, let me help you by finding a salesperson.

Nancy

 
At Wed Sep 19, 12:09:00 AM, Blogger Nurse K said...

"Yes, I work in shoes, but only in the little boys department. I know nothing of what to do with women or their feet."

 
At Wed Sep 19, 04:14:00 AM, Blogger Elaine said...

Only in the sense that God is everywhere, and I am His servant.

 
At Wed Sep 19, 08:22:00 AM, Anonymous craig said...

Yes, and in this shoe department we have heavenly soles.

 
At Wed Sep 19, 08:37:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excuse me, ma'am, but did your mother have any children who lived?

 
At Wed Sep 19, 12:24:00 PM, Blogger Surgeon in my dreams said...

"Why yes. I do. We have a lot of people drop dead the moment they see out low prices."

snort-snort

 
At Wed Sep 19, 01:39:00 PM, Anonymous Kathy said...

No, I was told the Devil wears Prada, so I am here to perform an exorcist

 
At Wed Sep 19, 01:56:00 PM, Blogger Zany Mom said...

Is the Pope Jewish?

 
At Thu Sep 20, 12:16:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I must confess, I do not

 
At Thu Sep 20, 01:07:00 PM, Anonymous PhillyAuthor said...

"Yes, but I'm on break."

 
At Thu Sep 20, 04:48:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WTF, Do I look like I work here?

 
At Thu Sep 20, 08:40:00 PM, Blogger Ambulance Driver said...

"I'm sorry, but I only handle feet on Holy Thursday."

or...


"Blessed are the myopic, for they shall inherit the hearth."

 
At Fri Sep 21, 09:30:00 AM, Blogger William the Coroner said...

As a doc (or as a priest) you not only represent yourself but the entire profession. Therefore, the only proper response is "No, but I think there's a salesperson thataway." Sad, but true.

 
At Fri Sep 21, 11:36:00 PM, Blogger make mine trauma said...

Well, last I checked I was a Catholic Priest. But, give me a minute, and we'll see. You know what they say, if the shoe fits......

 
At Sun Sep 23, 10:48:00 AM, Blogger Dr Tom F. Dork said...

I shall wash the feet of the lepers, wherever they may be...

 
At Mon Sep 24, 10:48:00 AM, Blogger Alexis said...

Sorry, I'm in advertising, not selection."

 
At Mon Sep 24, 04:21:00 PM, Blogger A Mom Who Thinks Too Much said...

"Yes, I'm always doing the Lord's work. Now. Tell me which of these shoes looks better, and I'll absolve you of all of your sins."

 
At Mon Sep 24, 10:31:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok, so this is not a comeback line. i went to a catholic college, and one of the priest/professors walked into the orthodox kosher grocery store down the road, he wanted to pick up lunch, in full black attire with collar, went up to the deli counter and asked for a ham and cheese sandwich.

 
At Tue Sep 25, 02:29:00 AM, Anonymous IMPatient said...

Yes, I pray for heeling.

 
At Wed Sep 26, 04:14:00 PM, Blogger Baba Doodlius said...

Sure, except on Sunday

 
At Wed Sep 26, 07:59:00 PM, Blogger make mine trauma said...

Okay.....we know you're back! The suspense is killing us.

 
At Thu Sep 27, 09:13:00 AM, Blogger mashnut said...

Dang I've misplaced my pulpit again!

or

I'm here to help those tempted by these sinful shoes.

Ok to that was a little camp.
mashnut

 
At Thu Oct 04, 11:30:00 AM, Anonymous weight loss said...

Yes, but I work in little boy's fitting, not shoes...

 

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