Another Contest: What He Should Have Said
I'm going away for five days to chill, relax and re-charge, but just so as not to leave y'all high and dry I thought I'd share this TRUE patient story, again with enthusiastic permission from said patient. In addition, I thought it would be fun to include a contest to see who can come up with the kickass-est comeback line my patient wishes he could have thought up on the spot.
A Catholic priest goes straight from work to Kohl's to purchase some sneakers. He is dressed for work; as a Catholic priest, that is: black shirt, square of white cardboard at the collar, black pants, black shoes. He's standing in an aisle perusing shoe boxes when a woman comes up to him. Right up to him. Maybe five feet away. Directly in front of him. Face to face. While he's in full Catholic priest clothing.
And says to him:
Do you work here?What should he have said? Let your imagination run wild and share it with us.
Contest rules:
- Two ways to enter: in the comments or via email (notdeaddinosaur-at-msn-dot-com)
- Upon my return I'll go through all half-dozen or so entries, pick my favorites and share them in another post.
- Readers may vote in the comments of the second post.
- Prize: to be determined (leaning towards "A copy of my book along with knowledge of my true identity," but will consider chocolate if the winner already knows me and/or has read my book.)
posted by #1 Dinosaur @ 4:32 PM
32 comments
32 Comments:
"I have been called to save souls, not fit them."
For Christ sakes, what do you think?
Kay
"There's a wonderful optometrist in our parish . . ."
If your looking for god I might be your man
"Yes, I've been hired to save soles." ;)
Of course! God's work is done everywhere. Care to step into a fitting room for confession?
I do "soul" work,
Even here at Kol's.
"So help me God."
"Sister Mary Aloysius," he glances around furtively and loudly whispers. "I though we agreed that today YOU'RE the store clerk and I'M the shoplifter! You got to wear the handcuffs the last three times and now it's my turn!"
"Now go back there behind the hosiery section and wait for me to put these sneakers under my cassock..."
I work everywhere but since God's employees are not supposed to moonlight in retail, let me help you by finding a salesperson.
Nancy
"Yes, I work in shoes, but only in the little boys department. I know nothing of what to do with women or their feet."
Only in the sense that God is everywhere, and I am His servant.
Yes, and in this shoe department we have heavenly soles.
Excuse me, ma'am, but did your mother have any children who lived?
"Why yes. I do. We have a lot of people drop dead the moment they see out low prices."
snort-snort
No, I was told the Devil wears Prada, so I am here to perform an exorcist
Is the Pope Jewish?
I must confess, I do not
"Yes, but I'm on break."
WTF, Do I look like I work here?
"I'm sorry, but I only handle feet on Holy Thursday."
or...
"Blessed are the myopic, for they shall inherit the hearth."
As a doc (or as a priest) you not only represent yourself but the entire profession. Therefore, the only proper response is "No, but I think there's a salesperson thataway." Sad, but true.
Well, last I checked I was a Catholic Priest. But, give me a minute, and we'll see. You know what they say, if the shoe fits......
I shall wash the feet of the lepers, wherever they may be...
Sorry, I'm in advertising, not selection."
"Yes, I'm always doing the Lord's work. Now. Tell me which of these shoes looks better, and I'll absolve you of all of your sins."
ok, so this is not a comeback line. i went to a catholic college, and one of the priest/professors walked into the orthodox kosher grocery store down the road, he wanted to pick up lunch, in full black attire with collar, went up to the deli counter and asked for a ham and cheese sandwich.
Yes, I pray for heeling.
Sure, except on Sunday
Okay.....we know you're back! The suspense is killing us.
Dang I've misplaced my pulpit again!
or
I'm here to help those tempted by these sinful shoes.
Ok to that was a little camp.
mashnut
Yes, but I work in little boy's fitting, not shoes...
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