Neologia

Neologism: a made-up or created non-word; words that have meaning only to those who use them; can be a symptom of schizophrenia.

What's with all the new words being made up hither and yon? The latest is contained in a communication from the hospital at which I have to maintain privileges in order to participate with insurance companies where I am on staff.

The topic is hospital acquired infections; specifically, preventing them. Back in the olden days, when I actually went to the hospital on a regular basis and was required to serve on a committee, the committee to which I happened to have been assigned was the Infection Control Committee.

Infection Control is a noble pursuit. I have tremendous respect for the Infection Control Nurse (later, "Officer") who ran the meetings and basically kept the hospital Infection Control program running full steam ahead (with fabulous results; our rates of hospital acquired infections, as I recall, were always the anti-Wobegon: well below average.) But now, the title "Infection Control Officer" is no longer good enough. What do you think has replaced it? I'm so glad you asked:

INFECTION PREVENTIONIST

Ouch. That was my language cortex wincing.

Cut me a break. This must be what administrators do to keep themselves occupied earn their outrageous salaries. They come up with brand new titles for people who are busy doing things that are actually useful for patient care. I don't know if this comes under the heading of "morale-building," which usually means coming up with creative ways to make people think you value them without paying them more money (hint: it doesn't work) or what.

What's next?

• Emptying Bedpanist
• Injectionist
• Sterilizationist
  
• Documentarian (Actually, I kind of like that one.)

Aw hell; why not just call everyone a Vice President? It works on Wall street:

Vice President of Infection Control

Now that has a nice ring to it.