Hey, it could work. (CMS? We don't listen to no stinkin' CMS!)
Dear Dr. Raoyhroduttatio:
I am writing in response to your letter dated 3/15/06, (copy attached), in which you purport to represent 14 “like-minded” physicians on the solution to no-doctor Emergency Department patients requiring admission to Our Lady of Perpetual Deficits, “Our Lady”.
As I understand your solicitation, you and your like-minded colleagues are willing to accept the aforementioned no-doctor hospital admissions in exchange for a daily stipend of $2500.00 payable to an account you will be opening at your brother’s bank in New Delhi. Your proposal adds that absent an agreement on the part of Our Lady of Perpetual Deficits to accept your proposal, you and your like-minded colleagues will cease admitting patients to Our Lady of Perpetual Deficits effective October 1, 2006.
I understand from a review of your Medical Staff file that you are relatively new to America; this might explain why you do not understand the implications of your solicitation. The Federal government, acting through the Centers for Medi-Care and Medi-Caid Services “CMS” has very clear guidelines for defining an appropriate relationship between a hospital and a physician. Please be advised that all of the elements of your solicitation are prohibited and open you and your like-minded colleagues to sanction by CMS.
In my role as the Chief Executive Officer of Our Lady of Perpetual Deficits I am subject to several of the CMS guidelines relative to physician business relationships. Were I to accept your solicitation I would be opening myself up to sanctions similar to you with one exception- I do not have Medical License to lose.
Being mindful of the potential personal, professional and business implications of your solicitation, I have sought advice from our attorney, Ms. Helen Waite, J.D., of the firm Waite, Dewey, Cheatum and Howe. Ms. Waite has advised that I limit my communication with you to this letter and that I advise you that you can expect to hear more about this matter after he has had a chance to review your solicitation with Ms. I.M. Amartyr, J.D., the Federal Prosecutor for the Great Lake States.
I wish to underscore the fact that I have been instructed to cease communication with you beyond this letter. Should you have concerns about this matter I suggest you go to Helen Waite.
Yours in Christ,
Sr. Mary Richard Attila, D.C.