FOAD #19

Hey! I didn't realize she saved a copy of the letter she sent me!

Right way:

Dear Author:

Thank you very much for your recent cover letter, novel and synopsis. I regret I must write you to say no because of the visceral response your work engendered. Sadly, my agency has forsaken the thoughtful, line-by-line, comma-by-comma reading your project so clearly has earned. The days of back and forth with writers about the joys of the subjunctive, the charm of the passive voice, and quirkiness of homonyms are gone forever I fear. A sadder, speedier world indeed, and progress a cruel taskmaster, much likes punctuation and grammar, those devilish details.

Many labors of love fall victim to this cold, cruel business practice. As you surely will discover there are many fine companies who have stepped in to fill this shocking void. Many of them advertise in Writers Digest, a publication I hope you can read in your library.

I wish you the all the success you deserve,

Miss Snark (who else?)
Literary Agent

PS I am returning all 300 pages, the remaining glitter, the chocolate bar, the photos of your shar-pei Harry and your spouse Mo (those tattoos are defy description indeed-who knew “mom” could look so provocative on a flexed bicep) under separate cover, via media mail. Please note our address has changed since you sent this. Our new address will be posted promptly on our new website www


Wrong way:

WTF????